Penultimate Rain...

I cut the phone and stood there with those words still ringing in my ears. It took a moment for the gravity of the situation to sink into me. Slowly it dawned on me…

Today was the last day…My last chance...My only hope. Tomorrow she will be gone and I shall be left all alone with an eternal emptiness in my heart. All I shall have with me is scant but vivid memories of her…

The sky was busy, gathering clouds and getting darker by the minute. By your instincts you could tell…it was going to rain. I looked up at it hoping for a sign, a clue as to what to do. But, as always it was silent or spoke in a language alien to me.

Innumerable thoughts clattered in my mind. But this was not the time to sit and think, it was time to act. I set about searching for her, running around madly here and there looking for her.  I searched and searched everywhere but as fate would have it… she was nowhere to be found.

Tears swelled up in my eyes and that strange feeling got into me. The feeling of losing her…the feeling of being away from her…that feeling of not seeing her…that feeling of not being able to hear her voice. 

As if the sky had read my mind and wanted to sympathize with me, it started to drizzle. The wind started brewing up and was now blowing fiercely. It was as if the storm in my heart was playing itself in front of my eyes.  Soon the drizzle turned into heavy rainfall. I stood there getting drenched.

The rain might have quenched the thirst and given respite from the heat to scores of people but it sure wrecked my chances of meeting her. Now, even my remotest hopes had faded away.

Why does it always happen to me? Why does fortune never favor me?

I looked up to the sky again and said…give me one last chance. Dejected I walked back.

Soaked to the skin, I entered my room. As I changed to dry clothes, my mind was restless as a bee trying to conjure up some possibility of meeting her. I sat looking out of the window and the smell of the wet earth made me nostalgic. Even though I wanted to do it personally, I couldn’t hold myself back any longer. I picked up the phone and dialed her number.

She picked up and said ‘Hello’. 

I said ‘Hi’.

But words failed me after that. Hearing her pristine voice felt so soothing that nothing came out of my mouth. I cut the call and damned myself for being an idiot…a jerk…a nincompoop.

I calmed myself and dialed again. She picked up the phone and answered angrily ‘who is this?’ I introduced myself and blabbered something on the phone nonstop without giving her a chance to speak. I don’t know what I said or how I said but, I said all that I wanted to.

I wondered if she understood anything.  But her final words said it all.

I had conveyed my message and she had understood it flawlessly. I was relieved and elated.

Now, the exile shall turn fruitful. 

P.S.

The innocence of your words on the phone allayed all my fears.

Corridor Of Silence...

The IPL saga manages to capture everyone’s attention no matter how much one may try to be distant from it. Though I am an ardent follower of cricket, especially the IPL, time has drastically changed my outlook. It is time to ask the question…How much is too much?

Commentators often describe the area just in and around the off stump as the ‘corridor of uncertainty’. Bowlers are advised to get the ball in it  and the thumb rule says…No matter how good the batsmen is , how barren the pitch is, if you put it in there consistently, the batsmen will knick it, sometime or the other.

Both Lalit Modi and Shashi Tharoor have paid the price for fishing in the ‘corridor of uncertainty’ and are back in the pavilion. But what concerns me more is the ‘Corridor of silence’, in my life.

The ‘corridor of silence’ belongs exclusively to me and my princess. It opens for a mere 30 seconds every day and is the place where two immigrants meet. I stand at one end, waiting for her to appear and the corridor to open. As soon as it opens, the world seems to transform. I anxiously walk inside and at the same time as I look up, she looks down and our eyes meet for a fraction of a second. This fraction of a second is what I yearn for, everyday. It is my tonic to life. As I pass by her I can feel the aura, charisma and the magnetism which binds me to her. What follows is pure silence and I am left thirsty wanting for more.

The ‘corridor of silence’ closes and I am back to this material world with only my memories to cherish.

As I cherish the memories I wonder…

How much patience should I have with this silence?

When do I know it is too much?

Am I misinterpreting the signs?

I don’t know…

GOD knows it and/or She knows it. Take your time, but both of you please let me know…

Meanwhile, I shall tirelessly continue to bowl on this barren pitch of unconditional love to this exquisite batsman, hoping that my consistency in the ‘corridor of uncertainty’ will reap its rewards in the ‘corridor of silence’.


P.S. ...
23rd April, is the birthday of my loving mother. This post is dedicated to you.
Wishing you a Happy Birthday!!!
I love you mom.

Almost gunned down....

It was the summer of 2009…training time for the mining guys.

I and five of my friends were posted to train at Bailadila Iron Ore Project, Bacheli Complex, N.M.D.C. For those who don’t know, it is an Iron Ore Mine in Bastar district of Chhattisgarh. It lies in the heart of the Naxal mainland near Dantewada, the place famous world over for naxal menace.

All of us took a train from Kolkata to Raipur and from there we undertook a 12 hour bone-breaking journey on the dusty roads of Chhattisgarh in the sweltering heat, to reach Bacheli. Upon reaching Bacheli, we were received by our affectionate seniors who had arranged for our food and accommodation. In the next few days we met the whole of the I.S.M. fraternity at Bacheli who were more than happy to see juniors from their alma mater.

Mining guys at I.S.M. never do their complete summer training. It is a tradition that has been going on since when?... I don’t know. Adhering to the tradition, all the six of us decided to skip the training and go home.

Everything was going as per plan until now…but the nightmare was just about to begin.

I had to go to Bengaluru and only way was to take a bus to Hyderabad and then take a train to Bengaluru. Accordingly, I booked myself on a bus to Hyderabad. When I came back to bade goodbye to my seniors, they gave me the starter of the nightmare I was to endure.

The warning came loud and clear…The bus passes through the hideout areas of Naxals and there have been instances of Naxals attacking these busses.

My heart skipped a beat or two and I shivered in fear….

I gulped down my fear and asked them… Is it really dangerous? They laughed probably at my stupid question. Their laughter and the light reaction to my question made me think… are they joking? But one look into their eyes told me they were damn serious.

The lure of getting home early (2 months in hostel + exams…and no proper food for past one week) and no available train tickets for another two days at least, left me with no option. I instinctively decided to continue my journey and there in was my first mistake.

I boarded the bus on the fateful day at 4:30 in the afternoon. It was an ordinary A.P.S.R.T.C. bus and the thought of enduring 16 hours of the journey through winding hills and Naxal dominated forests made me dizzy. I tried not to think much and made myself comfortable in the not so comfortable seat. I put on the ear phones and soon I was asleep…

Almost three hours had passed when the bus suddenly stopped. I woke up…thinking it was a routine stop in between and cursing the cramped seats, I went back to sleep.

The next thing I knew was that a short, muscular man, chewing tobacco, dressed in a dirty white banyan and military pants with a red scarf on his head was waking me up by shaking me with the tip of his rifle. I opened my eyes….the rifle tip near my head...I was scared me to hell!!!

I jumped in my seats and was now widely awake with fear dripping from every cell of my body. One look around the surroundings and I was petrified. I was convinced that the time had come for my life to end.

I looked out of the window and saw another 8-10 armed Naxals circling the bus. It was pitch dark outside and there was no light whatsoever other than the lights of the bus. One of the Naxals looked towards me and I felt he would gulp me down with his eyes. I glanced at my fellow passengers for some assurance but alas! They too were at a loss to understand what was going on.

Meanwhile, I had forgotten that the other passengers were better off in the sense that I had this little giant with a rifle to contend with first…

He pointed his rifle at me and spoke something which I couldn’t understand. I simply nodded my head to whatever he said. Unexpectedly, he started screaming at me. I almost pissed in my pants! His loud words impinged on my ear drums and I sensed he was asking” which one is your bag?”

I pointed to my bag at the top and instinctively slid my Laptop bag underneath my seat fearing he might take it away. Then the thought came to me ‘Let him take all he wants, but spare my life…’

He took my bag and searched for something in it. He couldn’t find anything worthwhile and threw it back at me. Yelling at me he asked me to spell out my bio data. At the back of my mind I calculated the odds of me punching his face, grabbing his rifle and fleeing from there. But, on second thought I decided otherwise.

I stood there trying to convince him of my innocence. He wasn’t much interested and demanded proof of my innocence. I took out the ID card from my wallet to show him. Seeing my college ID card he gave me a villain’s smiles and thrust the card back into my hands and uttered abuses. I felt relieved as he motioned me to sit back at my seat. They lingered on for another hour or so terrorizing other passengers.

My mind went blank and I kept still and mum, moving only my eyes till they left. The Naxals gave one last laugh and raised some slogans. The bus finally started moving and as they faded away into darkness I felt as though returning back from hell.

Uff… it was too much for me and I dozed off…

The bus stopped again near some dhabha. From the boards I made out that we were somewhere near Bhadrachalam…400 Kms from Hyderabad. I was too tired to eat anything and just came out to buy some cold water.

Drinking the cold water I recollected what had just happened. Stricken with fear I just prayed to GOD… ‘Let me reach home safely’ and spent the rest of the night staring into the darkness.

As I reached familiar territories near Hyderabad, the sun rose from the darkness and I wondered Is this the new dawn of my life???

P.S. ….

This is a true life incident. The incident changed the way I looked up on naxals. Previously, I thought they were cruel minded, evil people but their generosity in sparing my life changed it all. I don’t want to sympathize with them but they do have a point in some of their activities.

Two Words and a Smile...

The first time I saw you my eyes lit up, just like any other teenager seeing a beautiful girl. I unbend myself thinking that it was just a passing infatuation.The shine in your black eyes, the warmth of your gentle smile and the positive vibes that surrounded me whenever I was in close proximity to you just made me feel heavenly. That night, I came back after confessing that I had a crush on you, I realized that you meant more to me than anything else and you had just stolen me away from me. I fell for you and there was no turning back from there.

About a fortnight ago it was the birthday of ‘My beautiful Princess’. I wished her at the stroke of midnight hoping I would be the first one to wish her. Whether, I was the first one or not I don’t know. I waited with bated breath for her reply (the first SMS she would send to me) but, it eluded me. Ahead of me was a restless night with her thoughts clattering in my mind.

The next morning, while I was on one of my lonely walks she adventitiously came in front of me. I mustered my courage to walk up to her and wish her but; the unexpected call on her cell phone drained all my enthusiasm. She walked away and I cursed myself for failing to seize the opportunity. How much I wanted to wish her I only knew but I wished she also knew.

I came back to take a cold shower and freeze my oozing feelings. I went back, this time even more determined. She came there in a ravishing purple top and a light blue jeans. From the corner of her eyes she looked at me. I grabbed the chance, allowed her to come close to me and when we both could hear our breaths I wished her Happy Birthday! She gently replied ‘Thank You’ and those were the two words which made my day.

When you make the one you love happy you feel a satisfaction greater than anything else. I experienced Elysium, love, happiness, joy, delight, ecstasy, euphoria, and gaiety all at once.

Today a fortnight later, it’s my birthday and I have the good wishes of my parents, relatives and all my friends. But all I want is you and to share my feelings with you. As usual I was there to see her. She came like always, punctual and right on time in a bright pink top and blue jeans with her curly hair clipped together. I thought she knew it is my birthday and would wish me but, how stupid I was. A puff of wind blew and hit her face; she closed her eyes as her curly hair came forward. Gracefully she tucked it behind her ears and walked away...

I was left there standing under the blazing sun thinking doesn't she have the slightest feeling for me?

I was wondering why?

After all, my interaction with her verbally, was minimal and we only conversed through our eyes. May be she doesn't know it’s my birthday. I consoled my wailing heart and walked back.

In the evening, again on one of my lonely walks I found her sitting with her friends near a juicewallah waiting to quench her thirst. I walked towards her making sure she could see me. When she saw me coming she immediately blushed and gave a beaming smile. There it was, this was the most beautiful birthday present she could give me. I passed by her and turned back to look at her, she was smiling again!

Yes, her reaction and the sunshine smile on her face told me that she didn't know it is my birthday. 

I walked back with my best birthday present etched in my memory permanently.

Dual Birthdays!!!

My gift to me on my 20th Birthday... a blog

Now that the days of my teenage are over and I have officially spent two decades, I travel back in time to garner all my thoughts on my past birthdays and how I spent each one of them. However this birthday of mine is unique in the sense that I have mixed feelings.

I have spent all my past birthdays in the warmth of my home and the first ones to wish me were my parents. This time though for the first time I am away from home and the first ones to wish me were my dear friends. Thanks to their barbaric way (GPL) of wishing me Happy Birthday, I have a tingly ass. Never mind the barbarism; I still loved the fifteen minutes of my fame.

I had effusively waited for each one of my previous birthdays, and more so for the gifts I got from my parents and my relatives. However, this time I beseech the almighty to grant my only wish -‘you’.